Pam inside out Blog

My blog needs a new name. Until such time as I choose one I will log in as usual. .

A very good friend of mine came over yesterday and shared with Paige And I notes from a session she had with a psychic. What was so strange and unique about her session was that she also had a message for me specifically. My friend had not brought me up and this was the first time she had ever met this woman. The massage was clear to me in terms of relevance- I knew exactly what she was referring to and it sent shivers down my spine. She said I had been in a deep funk lately, struggling with physical and emotional issues that ran very deep in my life. She said I could turn this around and make a new beginning but I had to push myself, every day, to get out of this danger zone. A new beginning she said. If I missed this opportunity I would die. Plain and simple. No mincing of words or fuzzy referencing. She had other messages for Paige and I but none were as earth shattering, jaw-dropping as this one message. I had seen a plastic surgeon last week in Boston about getting my bedsore fixed. He started me on a new dressing that consisted of a wick made of silver- pure silver, to promote healing. In the first few minutes of my friend sharing the psychic’s message concerning me she said there was something silver in my life. Did that reference have any meaning to me? I saw the doctor on Wednesday. My friend had her reading on Thursday. I did not need this truth to make me a believer- I am already. My secret that I never told anyone, and never will has been put on the table but not with any specifics that would give me away. We all have at least one secret that we will never tell anyone. This psychic knew mine and that scared the shit out of me. Especially the part about dying. That is so serious a consequence and one I have no doubt would come to fruition if I don’t get my act together. It scares me in the same way “almost getting in a car accident” scares people. That cold sweat on my brow. The fear in my stomach. The thoughts of how close one comes to dying because of the car accident. The what-if’s of surviving a near fatal crash. Fuck that man. I have things I still want to experience. I want to see Jordan grow up. I want to see Paige find a wicked nice guy and marry and have more kids. Last nite I asked my two sisters Kim And Candy to help me with my new beginning. Later today I will read up on spirit guiodes and master guides. It was the master guide that sent me the message about get busy living or get busy dying. I opt to get busy living. shared with Paige And I notes from a session she had with a psychic. What was so strange and unique about her session was that she also had a message for me specifically. My friend had not brought me up and this was the first time she had ever met this woman. The massage was clear to me in terms of relevance- I knew exactly what she was referring to and it sent shivers down my spine. She said I had been in a deep funk lately, struggling with physical and emotional issues that ran very deep in my life. She said I could turn this around and make a new beginning but I had to push myself, every day, to get out of this danger zone. A new beginning she said. If I missed this opportunity I would die. Plain and simple. No mincing of words or fuzzy referencing. She had other messages for Paige and I but none were as earth shattering, jaw-dropping as this one message. I had seen a plastic surgeon last week in Boston about getting my bedsore fixed. He started me on a new dressing that consisted of a wick made of silver- pure silver, to promote healing. In the first few minutes of my friend sharing the psychic’s message concerning me she said there was something silver in my life. Did that reference have any meaning to me? I saw the doctor on Wednesday. My friend had her reading on Thursday. I did not need this truth to make me a believer- I am already. My secret that I never told anyone, and never will has been put on the table but not with any specifics that would give me away. We all have at least one secret that we will never tell anyone. This psychic knew mine and that scared the shit out of me. Especially the part about dying. That is so serious a consequence and one I have no doubt would come to fruition if I don’t get my act together. It scares me in the same way “almost getting in a car accident” scares people. That cold sweat on my brow. The fear in my stomach. The thoughts of how close one comes to dying because of the car accident. The what-if’s of surviving a near fatal crash. Fuck that man. I have things I still want to experience. I want to see Jordan grow up. I want to see Paige find a wicked nice guy and marry and have more kids. My blog needs a new name. Until such time as I choose one I will log in as usual. A very good friend of mine came over yesterday and shared with Paige And I notes from a session she had with a psychic. What was so strange and unique about her session was that she also had a message for me specifically. My friend had not brought me up and this was the first time she had ever met this woman. The massage was clear to me in terms of relevance- I knew exactly what she was referring to and it sent shivers down my spine. She said I had been in a deep funk lately, struggling with physical and emotional issues that ran very deep in my life. She said I could turn this around and make a new beginning but I had to push myself, every day, to get out of this danger zone. A new beginning she said. If I missed this opportunity I would die. Plain and simple. No mincing of words or fuzzy referencing. She had other messages for Paige and I but none were as earth shattering, jaw-dropping as this one message. I had seen a plastic surgeon last week in Boston about getting my bedsore fixed. He started me on a new dressing that consisted of a wick made of silver- pure silver, to promote healing. In the first few minutes of my friend sharing the psychic’s message concerning me she said there was something silver in my life. Did that reference have any meaning to me? I saw the doctor on Wednesday. My friend had her reading on Thursday. I did not need this truth to make me a believer- I am already. My secret that I never told anyone, and never will has been put on the table but not with any specifics that would give me away. We all have at least one secret that we will never tell anyone. This psychic knew mine and that scared the shit out of me. Especially the part about dying. That is so serious a consequence and one I have no doubt would come to fruition if I don’t get my act together. It scares me in the same way “almost getting in a car accident” scares people. That cold sweat on my brow. The fear in my stomach. The thoughts of how close one comes to dying because of the car accident. The what-if’s of surviving a near fatal crash. Fuck that man. I have things I still want to experience. I want to see Jordan grow up. I want to see Paige find a wicked nice guy and marry and have more kids. Last nite I asked my two sisters Kim And Candy to help me with my new beginning. Later today I will read up on spirit guiodes and master guides. It was the master guide that sent me the message about get busy living or get busy dying. I opt to get busy living. Last nite I asked my two sisters Kim And Candy to help me with my new beginning. Later today I will read up on spirit guiodes and master guides. It was the master guide that sent me the message about get busy living or get busy dying. I opt

I am off on a trip a nd will resume this space when I return. Be well, keep on bloggin…………

Thanks for the encouragement with the two comments. It’s one more than I expected.

My grandson is here today with my most beautiful daughter. She was proposed to recently so has love on the mind. Along with Jordan, her first and true love, she has much love ahead of her. I find much joy in that, in her, like no other.

Just checking in. I will add a new entry later today.

Herbie Hancock POssibilities.

I don’t believe in coincidences or mistakes, so it’s no wonder  I am beginning this journey of my life on December 13.  So many significant events  have happened on day 13- life changing events- big and small.

I was paralyzed on August 13, 1973 at age 18. I got clean on August 13. I bought a parcel of land on Cape Cod for 13,000 bucks. My two sisters are buried in lot 13 of thecemetary in Cotuit. This list goes on.

Thank you Jimmy for bringing me here. I am scared and excited at the opportunity to think out loud, with you- whoever you may be.

I am 53 , divorced, live in my own home (for 20+ years) with my two small dogs (with big mouths and hearts) Buttons (toy poodle) andLizzi Pee ( papillion ) and one very big (everyone comments on this) cat named Timmy Cat. I have one daughter, 19 who has a son 14 months old and, oh yea, I am paralyzed from the bra-line down. I was in a jeep accident in 1973 on Nantucket and got paralyzed the minute I hit the ground. I know this because I was awake as I flewthru the air- 50 feet into the woods and landed on a honeysuckle bush. I am not sure if that part is really true but it felt that way. I was 18 and had just graduated from High School.

I was never particularly fond of school (learning didn’t become fun until my later years) so my future lay in the every day activities of basically hanging out with friends and doing drugs. I was addicted to chemicals before my accident and for 10 years after my accident.BMA (before my accident) AMA (after my accident).  I eventually got sober in 1983, AUgust 13, and to date the only substances I used are medically prescribed- which isn’t to say I don’t struggle with chemicals and my ism still. Every day I deal with my addiction and my medication. It NEVER goes away. I am grateful to AA and NA as I learned so much about my disease and the effects it has on the people in my life. Even people I haven’t met yet.

So the other interesting thing you should know is I received a settlement at the time of my injury of one million dollars, which was badly managed and gone by 1984. I had spent the last of it on purchasing this home and buying some land in Maine (why??????). With minimal education and some sobriety under my belt I got a job at the local detox as receptionist and later medical records. I found a group of people with disabilities who met monthly at the local hospital and ate donuts and drank coffee and talked about beingcrips . I joined their group and later we hooked up with a paid organizer who, with us, started an independent living center for the Cape and islands area. I started as a volunteer and retired as executive director in 2006. Not bad for an uneducatedcrip.

And so I am here now, introducing myself to you via this blog. My dear friend Jimmy has set me up to make this possible. Like I said I am scared because its been a while since I shared my insides with anyone- in doing so I open myself up to some truths I may not like or want to admit. Totally risky business. But I guessthats what makes being a human being so wonderful- is how we feel. What makes my palms sweat, my heart race, causes the pit in my stomach, makes me want to chain smoke…………being human does. And taking the risk- I remember the pay-offs from years gone by. It was always the best part of the trip- not knowing what was next but moving ahead anyway.

I am excited because I want to relate to you. I want to know what you think. What can you teach me?  Do you ever feel the way I do? I am making all this up as I go along and with you I expect I will find some direction and put meaning into thisblog.

Funny. 60 minutes ago I wasn’t sure what a blog was, never mind start my own.

So unfasten your seat belt- you are now allowed to move around our universe……………..